DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
