I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
