we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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