You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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