sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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