what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
