Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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