His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
