The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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