Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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