i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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