Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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