You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
