So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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