my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize