Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
