So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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