Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
