He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
