Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
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At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize