im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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