): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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