I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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