Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
