Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
