Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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