Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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