Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
