i already hear my dad disowning me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
