Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
