I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
