i think my tv is drunk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
