First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
