no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
