Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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