Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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