I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
