Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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