Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
