I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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