yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
