i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
