and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
