dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
