You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
