it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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