no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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