Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
