i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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