He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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