can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
