you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
