Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
