i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
