Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
