Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
