we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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