I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
