if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
