she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
