Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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