Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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