So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
