I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
