it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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