I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
