I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
