oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
