Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
