remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Damn victory sex feels great
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
