I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
